Home   Medway   News   Article

Kent people tell their favourite jokes for Comic Relief

Fundraising fever will be sweeping across Kent on Friday for Comic Relief.

To get you in the mood for Red Nose Day, we asked readers, staff and notable people for their favourite jokes.

And we also headed down to Gillingham to see what tickles High Street shoppers.

VIDEO: Shoppers share their jokes

Cllr Andrew Mackness, Medway Council’s head of children’s services, said: "And the Lord said unto John “come forth and you will receive eternal life”. He came 5th and won a toaster.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye deer. What’s the most hardworking part of the eye? The pupil.

Paul Jackson, head teacher of The Thomas Aveling School, Rochester, said: "I, for one, love Roman Numerals."

Medway mayor Cllr Stuart Tranter said: "The mayor was a guest speaker at the golf club dinner. As he stood up to speak, a few of the men saw it as an opportunity to sneak off to the bar.

A host of stars are taking part in Red Nose Day 2017
A host of stars are taking part in Red Nose Day 2017

"Half an hour later, with the mayor still talking, another man joined them. 'Is he still talking?' they asked him. 'Yes,'” another man answered.

'What on earth is he talking about?'
'I don’t know. He’s still introducing himself.'”

Vince Maple, leader of the Labour group on Medway Council, said: "Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel Prize? He was outstanding in his field!"

And Vince had a follow-up too. "Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field!"

Chatham and Aylesford MP Tracey Crouch MP said: "Why did the fish blush? Because the sea-weed.

"What happened to the frog’s car when it broke down? It got toad away…"

Luke Cawdell, sports reporter, said: "My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face."

Dean of Rochester Cathedral, Dr Philip Hesketh, said: "As Dean, before I criticise a colleague, I like to walk a mile in his/her shoes. That way, when I do raise an issue, I’m a mile away and I have their shoes."

Medway Messenger reporter Jade Edwards said: "What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Nacho cheese."

Lenny Henry. Picture: BBC
Lenny Henry. Picture: BBC

Rochester artist, Wendy Dawes, said: "What’s brown and sticky? A stick."

Gillingham and Rainham MP Rehman Chishti said: "In light of some poor recent refereeing decisions, especially in the Gills' match against Scunthorpe. What does a football player do when he loses his eyesight. Become a referee."

kmfm newsreader Nicola Everett said: "Why does Santa have three gardens? Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe."

Medway Messenger reporter Lynn Cox said: "Keep your potatoes wrapped in tin foil in a cupboard. A welcome consolation should your house burn down."

Kelly Tolhurst, MP for Rochester and Strood, said: "What did the grape say when it was stepped on? It let out a little wine."

Nicola Jordan, Medway Messenger reporter, said: "What do you call Bob the Builder when he retires? Bob."

Soloist Jamie Johnson performs at the Ruby Tuesdays concert in Rochester Cathedral
Soloist Jamie Johnson performs at the Ruby Tuesdays concert in Rochester Cathedral

Voice finalist Jamie Johnson said: "Why did Adele cross the road? To say hello from the other side."

Richard Rodgers, deputy station officer for Medway Coastguard, said: "I got chatting to a lumberjack in a pub last night. He seemed like a decent feller."

Andy Walker, kmfm presenter, said: "Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road? To get to the Dark Side."

Helen Caston, Rainham Theatrical Society chairman, said: "How many actors does it take to change a light bulb? All of them. One to do it and the rest to tell you how much better they could have done it."

Tell us your favourite joke in the comments below.

Close This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse the site you are agreeing to our use of cookies.Learn More