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Sheppey man's bid for space flight 'rejected' by NASA

By John Nurden

Secret plans to send Sheppey’s first astronaut into space have been brought down to earth with a bump after NASA – America’s National Aeronautics and Space Administration – threw out would-be spaceman Bertie Crablegs’ request, he says.

Mr Crablegs fired off his application complete with a photo of him wearing a gorilla costume to illustrate how he would be at home in a spacesuit.

But boffins across the Atlantic have rejected his application. A dejected Mr Crablegs has posted the reply on the Gossip Board – Sheppey Facebook page.

Grounded: Bertie Crablegs' rejection letter.
Grounded: Bertie Crablegs' rejection letter.

He wrote: “Helping to put Sheppey on the global map...”

In a letter apparently signed by Robert M Lightfoot Jr, Nasa’s acting administrator, Mr Crablegs is told “Pukka comedians” cannot be accepted into the space programme.

It goes on: “Additionally, we are returning your head shot, not requested as part of the application process, for the simple fact that you appear to be fully dressed in an ape costume, that the poor quality of the suit might increase the likelihood of ape follicles becoming a nuisance for the electronics aboard our spacecraft.”

Wrong dress code: Nasa has rejected Bertie Crablegs' gorilla suit.
Wrong dress code: Nasa has rejected Bertie Crablegs' gorilla suit.

It adds: “We here at NASA review each application carefully and while we are unable to accept you at this time, we hope you continue to enjoy the life you laboured on at length about the Isle of Sheppey, UK, with its ‘modern horseless carriages, more than one Subway restaurant and the fittest girls that do almost everything on the first date.’”

The island on the Kent coast's main claim to fame is that it is the birthplace of British aviation where the Short Brothers built Europe's first aircraft factory and Sir Winston Churchill and Charles Rolls or Rolls Royce learned to fly.

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