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TV presenter Gregg Wallace has revealed he “thought about suicide all the time” after being accused of inappropriate behaviour on MasterChef.
In an interview with the MailOnline, Wallace, who lives in Biddenden, near Ashford, said he was living in a state of “stress” after the allegations were made last year.
In November, the 60-year-old stepped down from his role on MasterChef following complaints from individuals about historical allegations of misconduct.
He then issued a short video message to fans on Instagram following the news, where he thanked people reaching out and showing their support.
The findings of the investigation will be made public next month.
Wallace said once he stepped down from the BBC show, he had struggled to sleep and that “the feeling of being under attack, of isolation, of abandonment was overwhelming.”
In his interview with the Daily Mail, He added: “Nobody from the BBC contacted me once these stories started breaking – absolutely nobody at all.
“News channels were updating hourly with new allegations.
“There was a tidal wave of abuse on social media, a dozen reporters outside the gate.
“You're watching yourself get personally ripped apart, criticised, accused of all sorts of stuff over and over again.
“You're thinking, "This isn't true. What's coming next?"
“You don't sleep. Your chest races. Your body feels like it's shutting down because it can't cope with the levels of stress.
“You feel really dirty and horrible because everybody is saying you're a pervert.”
Wallace cremated his mum, 80-year-old Mary Pettman, last month after she died following a fatal heart attack in her sleep.
He told The Mail: “She was always very proud of me. I'm her eldest and, of course, I was on the telly.
“I think it's terribly sad that in the last days of her life she was reading horrible things about me and witnessing my disgrace.”
His wife Anna told MailOnline she is determined to speak up for her husband, adding: “About a week into it all, he broke down in the hallway.
“He was sobbing, "I'm broken. They've beaten me. They've completely ruined my name".
‘I was scared he'd crumble completely...’
“It just got too much for him. I was scared he'd crumble completely.”
The number of complainants went from 13 to 30, and several allegations were made, including that he had groped crew members, which Wallace said is “absolutely not true”.
He explained: “I honestly never meant to upset anyone. I thought I was going in every day and just delivering what was wanted. I didn't realise I was causing any problems.”
During the investigation, he was diagnosed with autism.
He said: “I want to make it absolutely clear I'm not blaming my behaviour on my diagnosis, but it does explain a hell of a lot to me.
“Although I'm still trying to compute why, if my persona on the telly was p****** so many people off for all those years, nobody told me at the time.”
The now dad-of-three joined MasterChef with co-host John Torode in 2005, and it became one of the most successful programmes on the BBC.
He says that he fully expects to be held to account for some of his “smuttier historic jokes”, explaining: “I was very slow to wake up to the changing nature of the work environment.
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“It wasn't until seven years ago that I had a massive wake-up call and realised the loud, energetic greengrocer persona I was on the telly was, maybe, becoming redundant, so I changed.”
But when the allegations were made last year, he said he didn't realise the enormity of it because [he] thought [he] hadn't done anything bad.”
He said: “My world tumbled in.
“At this point, my name is being linked with Jimmy Savile and Huw Edwards.
“I think it's vital there are channels open for vulnerable people to complain if they are being bullied, harassed or made to feel uncomfortable, but the system hasn't been perfected.
“It doesn't work if the person is a public figure, and everything becomes a public trial.
“I thought about suicide all the time, is my insurance up to date?
“Will Anna get some money? She doesn't deserve this. It would be better if I wasn't here".
‘I didn't know when I signed up to do a television show 20 years ago this was how it was going to play out...’
Despite the stress he was under, he says the BBC did not offer any support until emailing him a few weeks ago to arrange a meeting to discuss his historic behaviour.
Later that day, they sent a second email with links to organisations such as the Samaritans, NHS mental health support lines, and two suicide helplines.
Gregg said: “I didn't know when I signed up to do a television show 20 years ago this was how it was going to play out.
“If I had, there is no way I'd have put my name on that bit of paper. It hasn't been worth it. You're almost signing a pact with the devil.”
