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It’s that time of year again, when it takes something fairly special to make you abandon the warm cocoon of your sofa, glass of supermarket plonk and the joy of watching Alan Carr being the least menacing traitor of all time.
But the pull of a cosy jazz hideout with live music and wintry cocktails will just about do it.
The Grapevine in Tenterden is less a bar and more a portal to a time when people smoked indoors, doffed their caps, and alcohol was seen as a cure for everything.
Bathed in red and awash with leopard print, it nails the Art Nouveau look with vintage lamps, old pictures of musicians and a feature wall of dusty wine bottles.
The bar opened in August last year, the sister venue to The Grapevine in Rye, and has already expanded, opening a deli upstairs.
It’s the closest thing you’ll get to Soho’s world-famous jazz bar Ronnie Scott’s in Kent - only here the music’s free.
This part is helpful as I’m not exactly sure where I stand on this genre.
The problem with jazz - improv at least - is you’re never sure if the band’s tuning up or having a breakthrough. And the fact that there’s no such thing as a wrong note makes it very hard to know when it’s going well.
Fortunately, I needed no expertise to realise the Maxine Scott Duo was the real deal, and soon we’re listening to soulful guitar-backed covers of Ella Fitzgerald and Etta James over some top-notch drinks - a Spiced Cranberry Margarita and a Winter Whiskey Sour to be precise.
That is, after we’d managed to find a candle to hold the menu up to. A phone torch seemed so out of place in this vintage setting, but the lighting here is set to ‘seriously moody’.
With the red glow, it’s verging on photographer’s darkroom chic. Still, it’s all part of the charm.
My Spiced Cranberry Margarita had a cinnamon and sugar rim, and the spices were a nice festive twist on one of my all-time favourite drinks.
The Winter Whiskey Sour was also a little different, and used orange pulp, making it slightly sweeter and much more up my street than the traditional version.
It’s so common now for waiting staff to ask you if everything’s ok without so much as a pause for an answer before disappearing out the back to tick the box to say they asked.
Sometimes that Nando’s chicken on a stick is whisked away from the table while I’m still manoeuvring for my first bite.
Yes, I’m British, so would obviously say everything’s great while making a mental note to grumble about everything the second I leave, but still.
Here, though, the waitress wanted genuine feedback. “Are you sure you like it like that? I added more cinnamon earlier, but some people thought it was too much.”
As it was, on this occasion, I wasn’t just being British when I said my drink was perfect. The only problem is that there wasn’t more of it.
My drinking buddy remedied that by ordering one for himself, but in the spirit of trying new things, I ordered an Amaretto Espresso Martini - a gorgeously nutty twist on another of my favourites, though perhaps a little sharp.
Meanwhile, the place was filling up. There was a group of friends out for a birthday - my goodness this singer even managed to turn the Happy Birthday song into a knockout ballad - but mostly the clientele were well-heeled couples.
A husband-and-wife who claimed the table next to ours quietly complained the Blues Cats weren’t playing as advertised, and that they’d seen this excellent duo last time they were here, but a glass of champers later and they were toe-tapping with the rest of us.
I say quietly, because this really is an intimate venue. The singer greets everyone as they come in and at the start we manage to get a private audience of Autumn Leaves before anyone else turns up - mesmerising and way too good to be wasted on a couple of plebs like us.
Catch up with the Secret Drinker’s latest review here
I liked how the small menu - there were just 10 cocktails, no beers, but plenty of champagnes - managed to feel new and old-fashioned at the same time. In a way, it was a lesson in how quality never goes out of style - the music, the cocktails, that old-world glamour.
In fact, it was exactly the kind of place I was looking for when I first started this search for a replacement to my favourite bar, Bramley’s, after it closed last year.
It’s certainly much more intimate, with just a single room and a handful of bookable tables surrounded by banquette seating, and has more emphasis on food and music, with dishes on offer from the bar’s deli and a live act on five times a week.
It’s no student paradise like Bramley’s was, but it’s got the same quirkiness and speakeasy-style nostalgia. Bags of it.
In any case, it was worth abandoning my slippers and Strictly to tramp out into the cold for a night of truly memorable live entertainment.
The Grapevine is a job well done, and in the spirit of the era, I would doff my cap to the owners if I had one.
The Grapevine Jazz Bar, Unit 2, The Cellars, High Street, Tenterden, TN30 6BN
Décor: Someone on TripAdvisor cruelly compared it to a brothel - I’d say old-school Moulin Rouge-style glamour. It’s certainly bold and atmospheric with those red lights and all that leopard-print, but it’s a jazz bar, and looks the part ****
Drinks: Everything we tried was a nice seasonal twist on a classic, but the Spiced Cranberry Margarita was the standout. If you’re after a beer, you’ll have to go elsewhere ****
Price: Our drinks came in at between £12.75 and £13.75 and nearly all the cocktails were in this range - the only outlier being the £17.50 Vodka Martini. James Bond can afford it, I guess. If I were just paying for the drinks I’d be less than happy to part with so much, but I got a free front-row seat to a stunning night of jazz into the bargain, so even three stars seems a little stingy of me ***
Staff: Barely had you put down a menu before the friendly waitress appeared to take your order. I loved that she wanted genuine feedback about how to make the cocktails to your taste too *****
Best for: Couples