I’d promised my mate a swift Monday lunchtime drink but it quickly turned into a magical mystery tour round Kent, though at least I ticked a few unusual pub names off my list.

Our journey began at the Gun & Spitroast in Horsmonden – sadly this was locked up tight.

Next was the Bell & Jorrocks in Frittenden but this too was shut, so we headed to Marden and found ourselves outside the West End Tavern, but even this didn’t open its doors until 2pm.

After the White Horse on North Street was also shut, we finally found an open door just around the corner at the George & Dragon on Headcorn High Street.

Thinking I had earned a drink, I approached the barmaid, who was clutching a polystyrene tray of chips, to request a pint of ale. Sadly, there was none of offer but she reckoned the Neck Oil, like all other beers, was under a fiver, so I ordered a pint of that, although when it went through the till it was £5.50.

She was apologetic about the lack of real ale, saying she’d only worked behind the bar for a week but said she’d mention it to her manager as quite a few other customers had requested one.

The whole left-hand side of the pub has been turned into a fast food joint offering burgers, pizza, chicken and ribs, though it’s not that fast at the moment as the girl who runs it is on holiday and no-one knows when she’ll be back. One disgruntled punter said he’d been coming in for three weeks and it hadn’t been open yet.

But the barmaid was still munching her way through her chips, so I asked where she’d got them and she said her friend had kindly picked them up for her from a kebab shop.

This is a big old lump of a place with signs for specific sections – public bar, saloon bar, restaurant/bar, but generally it had the feel of an old hotel reception. There is a large outdoor area which looks as if it has been carefully renovated fairly recently. It has a smart square outdoor bar, a smoking area, a cosy-looking covered cubicle and a children’s play area at the far end with twin, yellow slides. Several folk were sat outside to take advantage of the weather.

Everywhere inside is decorated in red or dark orange and there is good-sized room at the back with a pool table (red cloth of course), a dartboard, a large blue screen and two fruit machines.

It is off the games room that you’ll find the toilet, which is by far, the smallest room in the pub and the door was wedged open, perhaps to give an impression of more space, though to be fair there was a sign on the door asking punters to close it behind them if they planned to use the facilities – I decided to do the decent thing!

The gents were tidily tiled, and although there was only room for two urinals and a miniature sink, there was soap available and plenty of paper towels, although sadly, the dispenser kept falling apart.

The front section of the George & Dragon, except for the shut-down fast food section, is boldly emblazoned with powerful, and graphic, artwork detailing the legend behind the pub name and featuring the skeletal remains of a ‘sacrificed’ young woman - an image that will unfortunately stay with me for many weeks to come.

There’s one other display which is ironic to say the least – a large black and gold sign informs you about this month’s guest ale and further ales which will be arriving – if only?

There might not be a guest beer in sight but there are CCTV cameras absolutely everywhere. Rest assured, you’re being watched wherever you go and whatever you do.

Most folk had left by 2.30pm but we were joined by the barmaid’s mate, not on a chip run this time, who took a seat at the bar and requested a Disaronno before declaring ‘It’s dead in here’.

However, things did liven up after that when she and the barmaid popped out front for a fag and one of them shouted to someone up the street. There then followed a string of profuse apologies when they said: ‘No, not you, the person behind you, no honestly we didn’t mean you’.

Back in the bar, surrounded only by the bizarre artwork, I reflected on our lunchtime search around rural Kent for a pub open on a Monday lunchtime and tried to decide whether we were lucky to find one or not?

It was only the barmaid‘s second shift and, by her own admission, she’s really just helping out as the pub is struggling to find staff.

But, with the food part of the operation - Buzzings - seemingly indefinitely closed, no bitter, elastic prices and new staff, I’d respectfully suggest this is a pub experiencing a challenging spell.

NB. As a footnote, if you do decide to pay the George & Dragon a visit, make sure you comply with the parking instructions on the High Street as, while we visited the pub, an enthusiastic traffic warden had been handing out tickets like confetti.

THE GEORGE & DRAGON, 29 HIGH STREET, HEADCORN, ASHFORD TN27 9NL

Décor: The tables and chairs felt a little bit cafeteria, but there was also a very comfortable-looking sofa and artwork on the walls, whilst a tad terrifying was certainly a talking point. **

Drink: Another boozer failing to stock a draught ale but there was a reasonable selection of lagers as well Beavertown’s Neck Oil and a Guinness. **

Price: The prices didn’t live up to the promise that everything was priced under a fiver but they weren’t crazy expensive either – Red Stripe £5.25, Cruzcampo £5.40, Neck Oil £5.50. ***

Staff: She was new but reasonably efficient and managed to serve folk between mouthfuls of chips. Happy enough to chat, I can see her being a big plus to the pub. ***

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