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Having not visited the Five Pointed Star for at least 10 years, I was interested to see what might have changed at West Malling’s best-known pub.
Inside, probably due to it being grade listed, it’s as if time has stood still. Outside, however, it was like walking into a side alley at Camden Market.
It was a Friday lunchtime and I still had a couple of minutes until the midday witching hour, so I walked in through the passage at the side of the pub, which used to serve as an entrance to the car park at the back. It’s now roped off with a brightly-coloured, graffitied walkway leading to a huge tented/marquee area, complete with large TV screens showing sport, a considerable expanse of faux grass and a line of gas heaters.
I entered the pub proper through the door at the back and, following the same narrow corridors I remember so well, made my way to the front bar, which looks exactly as it was, right down to the stripped wooden floorboards, the copper-covered tables and the darkly-lit rooms due to small windows and low ceilings.
Unusually, I started with a thirst-quencher, a refreshing pint of lime and soda, and took a seat in the front bar under an ancient-looking Union flag which has been carefully framed and hung on a wall.
Something of a Tardis, the pub is made up of a maze of small and large rooms, each with its own character and identity, which provides interesting spaces whether you’re a couple looking for a quiet corner or large group seeking a big screen for the footie.
I might have been first in but it was no time at all before I was joined by a steady stream of folk and regular John who was quick to order a pint of Pravha, for which he was charged an extortionate £11.60 – I almost fell of my seat in shock before realising it’s his custom to have two pints and he pays in advance for both, so £5.80 a pint. Thank goodness for that!
There was music playing at a good level in the background and we were treated to Mumford and Sons, Naïve by The Kooks and then Florence and the Machine.
The kitchen was already in action and within 10 minutes of the door being opened, there must have been half a dozen family groups in to dine, with ages ranging from just a few weeks to positively ancient. I didn’t sample the menu personally but I did see a blackboard advertising that the quiche of the day was Spanish and heard a woman, who came into the bar with a dog the size of a small horse, pronounce the steak she’d been served the previous evening was fantastic.
The chat then moved on to traffic wardens in the town, who were accused of being more annoying than mosquitoes. As disgust rose regarding the actions of these poor old civil enforcement officers, I ordered a pint of Estrella and chose to leave the front bar to have a proper look round.
The small rooms at the back are as quaint as I remember them, one with a staircase which leads nowhere and another with a pair of bell pushes reading ‘day bell’ and ‘night bell’. The biggest room at the back is now equipped with two large TV screens and along the corridor leading to it, there was a sign apologising for the decorating currently going on.
There’s certainly no pool table and I saw no sign of a dartboard or even any fruit machines, which I’m sure were present last time I was in.
I also took the opportunity to visit the gents, where I was observed by a muffled laughing Cavalier and several other famous characters with their faces obscured. The toilets, like everywhere else in the Five Pointed, are reassuringly slightly tatty but clean and fresh at the same time.
Back in bar, the ire towards Malling’s parking guardians had waned slightly and then dropped altogether when the postie arrived with a whole sack barrow full of parcels.
The parcels contained dozens of new glasses and the bar staff kept themselves busy unpacking them or polishing the mountains of cutlery sent through from the kitchen.
The outside area at the pub may have been revolutionised to the point where it’s hardly recognisable but everything inside the Five Pointed has been reassuringly retained and still feels every inch the welcoming high street pub it always was.
Judging by the massive space they’ve felt the need to create outside, I have to assume this place has had a very profitable warm summer. And, given I’m sure the vast majority of this pub’s visitors arrive by taxi, I shouldn’t think the zealous parking wardens are too damaging to trade either.
FIVE POINTED STAR, 100 HIGH STREET, WEST MALLING ME19 6NE
Décor: The sign says decorating is in progress but I liked the slightly tatty, lived-in feel. Much of indoors is exactly as I remember it, outside has been revolutionised to the point I didn’t even recognise it. ****
Drink: With Estrella approaching the £7 mark, I didn’t even dare ask how much a Neck Oil would have set me back. I think I spotted a Greene King IPA available on draught but most regulars were choosing lager or cider. ***
Price: A thirst-quenching pint of lime and soda was £1.50, but the follow-up pint of Estrella set me back £6.70. Perhaps I should have requested John’s second pint of Pravha (£5.80). **
Staff: There were two bar staff on duty and they were both chatty and attentive. But when they weren’t serving, they kept themselves busy polishing a mountain of cutlery and arranging the boxfuls of glasses delivered by the postie. ****
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