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Secret Drinker reviews the Five Pointed Star pub in West Malling High Street

Having not visited the Five Pointed Star for at least 10 years, I was interested to see what might have changed at West Malling’s best-known pub.

Inside, probably due to it being grade listed, it’s as if time has stood still. Outside, however, it was like walking into a side alley at Camden Market.

The Five Pointed Star has been one of West Malling's iconic high street pubs for many years. I hadn't visited for a decade, but I still discovered the same Tardis inside
The Five Pointed Star has been one of West Malling's iconic high street pubs for many years. I hadn't visited for a decade, but I still discovered the same Tardis inside

It was a Friday lunchtime and I still had a couple of minutes until the midday witching hour, so I walked in through the passage at the side of the pub, which used to serve as an entrance to the car park at the back. It’s now roped off with a brightly-coloured, graffitied walkway leading to a huge tented/marquee area, complete with large TV screens showing sport, a considerable expanse of faux grass and a line of gas heaters.

I entered the pub proper through the door at the back and, following the same narrow corridors I remember so well, made my way to the front bar, which looks exactly as it was, right down to the stripped wooden floorboards, the copper-covered tables and the darkly-lit rooms due to small windows and low ceilings.

Unusually, I started with a thirst-quencher, a refreshing pint of lime and soda, and took a seat in the front bar under an ancient-looking Union flag which has been carefully framed and hung on a wall.

This used to be the driveway past the side of the pub to get to the car park at the back. I think the car park disappeared back in 2019.
This used to be the driveway past the side of the pub to get to the car park at the back. I think the car park disappeared back in 2019.
The colourful graffiti, not to mention the tables created from barrels and plastic grass on one wall, reminded me of my last 'enforced' visit to Camden Market with Mrs SD.
The colourful graffiti, not to mention the tables created from barrels and plastic grass on one wall, reminded me of my last 'enforced' visit to Camden Market with Mrs SD.

Something of a Tardis, the pub is made up of a maze of small and large rooms, each with its own character and identity, which provides interesting spaces whether you’re a couple looking for a quiet corner or large group seeking a big screen for the footie.

I might have been first in but it was no time at all before I was joined by a steady stream of folk and regular John who was quick to order a pint of Pravha, for which he was charged an extortionate £11.60 – I almost fell of my seat in shock before realising it’s his custom to have two pints and he pays in advance for both, so £5.80 a pint. Thank goodness for that!

There was music playing at a good level in the background and we were treated to Mumford and Sons, Naïve by The Kooks and then Florence and the Machine.

Strung with lights, this stretched tent area, positioned over a large patch of faux grass, has been erected where the car park used to be.
Strung with lights, this stretched tent area, positioned over a large patch of faux grass, has been erected where the car park used to be.
The perfect spot for a selfie, this was just another feature in the garden that reminded me of Camden Market
The perfect spot for a selfie, this was just another feature in the garden that reminded me of Camden Market

The kitchen was already in action and within 10 minutes of the door being opened, there must have been half a dozen family groups in to dine, with ages ranging from just a few weeks to positively ancient. I didn’t sample the menu personally but I did see a blackboard advertising that the quiche of the day was Spanish and heard a woman, who came into the bar with a dog the size of a small horse, pronounce the steak she’d been served the previous evening was fantastic.

The chat then moved on to traffic wardens in the town, who were accused of being more annoying than mosquitoes. As disgust rose regarding the actions of these poor old civil enforcement officers, I ordered a pint of Estrella and chose to leave the front bar to have a proper look round.

The small rooms at the back are as quaint as I remember them, one with a staircase which leads nowhere and another with a pair of bell pushes reading ‘day bell’ and ‘night bell’. The biggest room at the back is now equipped with two large TV screens and along the corridor leading to it, there was a sign apologising for the decorating currently going on.

The low-beamed ceilings, small windows and wood panelling all add to the atmosphere but they do mean some areas of the pub are fairly dark
The low-beamed ceilings, small windows and wood panelling all add to the atmosphere but they do mean some areas of the pub are fairly dark
It's certainly an impressive-looking log store and if quiche is your thing, then perhaps the Spanish version is your favourite
It's certainly an impressive-looking log store and if quiche is your thing, then perhaps the Spanish version is your favourite

There’s certainly no pool table and I saw no sign of a dartboard or even any fruit machines, which I’m sure were present last time I was in.

I also took the opportunity to visit the gents, where I was observed by a muffled laughing Cavalier and several other famous characters with their faces obscured. The toilets, like everywhere else in the Five Pointed, are reassuringly slightly tatty but clean and fresh at the same time.

Back in bar, the ire towards Malling’s parking guardians had waned slightly and then dropped altogether when the postie arrived with a whole sack barrow full of parcels.

As eclectic as it always used to be, one of the rooms at the back of the pub still contains three steps going nowhere and what looks like a euphonium
As eclectic as it always used to be, one of the rooms at the back of the pub still contains three steps going nowhere and what looks like a euphonium
The large back room in the pub is exactly as I remember it - there were two large TV screens for any sports fans not wishing to sit outside
The large back room in the pub is exactly as I remember it - there were two large TV screens for any sports fans not wishing to sit outside

The parcels contained dozens of new glasses and the bar staff kept themselves busy unpacking them or polishing the mountains of cutlery sent through from the kitchen.

The outside area at the pub may have been revolutionised to the point where it’s hardly recognisable but everything inside the Five Pointed has been reassuringly retained and still feels every inch the welcoming high street pub it always was.

Judging by the massive space they’ve felt the need to create outside, I have to assume this place has had a very profitable warm summer. And, given I’m sure the vast majority of this pub’s visitors arrive by taxi, I shouldn’t think the zealous parking wardens are too damaging to trade either.

Traditionally decorated, I chose a seat under this superbly-framed Union flag
Traditionally decorated, I chose a seat under this superbly-framed Union flag
It's good to find a pub where, even years later, several old features have been maintained - I love the copper-covered tables
It's good to find a pub where, even years later, several old features have been maintained - I love the copper-covered tables
The postman needed a sack barrow to deliver all his parcels - most were filled with new glasses
The postman needed a sack barrow to deliver all his parcels - most were filled with new glasses

FIVE POINTED STAR, 100 HIGH STREET, WEST MALLING ME19 6NE

Décor: The sign says decorating is in progress but I liked the slightly tatty, lived-in feel. Much of indoors is exactly as I remember it, outside has been revolutionised to the point I didn’t even recognise it. ****

Drink: With Estrella approaching the £7 mark, I didn’t even dare ask how much a Neck Oil would have set me back. I think I spotted a Greene King IPA available on draught but most regulars were choosing lager or cider. ***

Price: A thirst-quenching pint of lime and soda was £1.50, but the follow-up pint of Estrella set me back £6.70. Perhaps I should have requested John’s second pint of Pravha (£5.80). **

Staff: There were two bar staff on duty and they were both chatty and attentive. But when they weren’t serving, they kept themselves busy polishing a mountain of cutlery and arranging the boxfuls of glasses delivered by the postie. ****

I like the fact that old features have been retained - I'm sure there's no point in pressing either bell but they look great
I like the fact that old features have been retained - I'm sure there's no point in pressing either bell but they look great
The pub, slap bang in the middle of West Malling High Street, opens at noon each day
The pub, slap bang in the middle of West Malling High Street, opens at noon each day
When I passed by the pub a little later I noticed the rope across the alleyway had been removed but it had been replaced by a member of the security team - and this was before 6pm
When I passed by the pub a little later I noticed the rope across the alleyway had been removed but it had been replaced by a member of the security team - and this was before 6pm
Traditionally decorated with white tiles and individual urinals, the gents' toilets were clean, fresh and well looked after
Traditionally decorated with white tiles and individual urinals, the gents' toilets were clean, fresh and well looked after
I liked the 'lived-in' feel but I did spot this sign asking customers to excuse the Five Pointed Star team while they get repairs and decorating done
I liked the 'lived-in' feel but I did spot this sign asking customers to excuse the Five Pointed Star team while they get repairs and decorating done

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