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A young dad accused of murdering his baby daughter by excessive and severe shaking has told a jury the allegation is "against everything I'm about".
Describing his memories of his newborn as being the "happiest and most joyful" he had, Thomas Holford said the prosecution case that he either intended to kill little Everleigh or cause her really serious harm was "not the truth".
And although he agreed he accepts responsibility for her death more than a year after she suffered catastrophic brain damage and multiple fractures at his hands when just five weeks old, the 24-year-old spoke of having no memory of shaking her.
Canterbury Crown Court has heard that the newborn was discovered seriously unwell by her teenage mum Casey Stroud on the morning of April 21, 2021 - her 17th birthday.
The youngster had been in her father's sole care overnight at the home they shared with Casey's parents, Kelly and Lewis Stroud, in Wallwood Road, Ramsgate.
Having been taken to Margate's QEQM Hospital and then transferred for specialist treatment at King's College Hospital in London, Everleigh was left in a vegetative state until she died aged 14 months in May 2022.
As well as her brain bleed, which was said by one doctor to have left the organ "shrivelled like a prune", she also sustained fractures to her lower leg and two ribs, as well as three anal tears.
Cause of death was subsequently given as old and severe brain injury, in-keeping with non-accidental, abusive trauma.
Holford, who was 20 at the time the injuries were inflicted, was initially arrested in April 2021 on suspicion of causing grievous bodily harm and child cruelty before eventually being charged last year in relation to Everleigh's death.
Although now on trial for murder - and causing actual bodily harm in relation to the anal lacerations - the jury has been told he has pleaded guilty to Everleigh's manslaughter.
Giving evidence on Wednesday (June 18), Holford described how he woke on the morning of April 21, 2021, to "absolute carnage".
When asked by his barrister, Jo Martin KC, about his memory of overnight events, he said: "So, as far as I can remember, it's a case of I smoked a joint, settled myself to make sure Everleigh was settled and then went to sleep and woke the next morning to....well, it's difficult to describe it, but absolute carnage."
When questioned as to why he had admitted manslaughter if he had no recall of what happened, he continued: "I don't believe in ghosts, I don't think it was someone breaking into the house.
"I don't suspect it was Kelly or Lewis, or Casey because she was out of the house.
"While she (Everleigh) was in my sole care, it makes it apparent it must have been me. There is no one else."
Holford also told the jury he accepted causing his daughter's injuries, including bruising to her jawline, but agreed with Ms Martin that he did not remember shaking her.
Then, when asked if he accepted being responsible for the anal injuries, he hesitated, said "Well yes, I think so" before adding that he could not "imagine it was anyone else" who could have inflicted them.
But when Ms Martin quizzed him about the prosecution's assertion of his intent to kill or cause serious harm to his daughter, he replied: "I don't think that's the truth.
"I have memories of Everleigh being around and they are some of the happiest, most joyful memories I have got that I can remember.
"I disagree with that (the accusation) because it's against everything that I'm about.
"It's hard for me to put into words but having a newborn baby is a period of time that can be potentially stressed and I don't disagree that there may have been times when that was the case.
"But the majority of my memories are positive, loving and cherishing memories of my daughter. So I wouldn't think there was intent there."
The court heard he and Casey met in 2019, having first chatted on social media, and their relationship was "pretty good, positive and loving".
He described himself to the jury as being "a bit out there" and Casey "alternative and cool".
But he also revealed he had a heavy use of drugs from the age of 15 or 16, with cannabis - or weed as he referred to it - being "a constant" in his life.
Having moved from his flat in Hertfordshire and into the Stroud family home around the start of the Covid lockdown in March 2020, Casey became pregnant within a few months.
Although it was unplanned, Holford said his reaction was a mixture of "shock, surprise and happiness with an element of fear", while his teenage girlfriend was "happy, excited and nervous".
Everleigh's birth by forceps delivery on March 13, 2021, was, he told the court, "one of the most important days of my life" and a chance to tackle his drug-taking by cutting out cocaine and acid, and reducing his weed smoking.
"I made a real attempt to completely stop using drugs," he added. "I wanted to attempt to better myself."
Asked how he felt about seeing his daughter for the first time, he said: "Talking about it is difficult to do without smiling - the happiest possible feeling you could imagine.
"Anxious, obviously - it's the first time you get to meet your new human. I don't really have words for it."
"How did you want to be as a father?", asked Ms Martin.
"Like my birth parents 2.0 - better, not using drugs, sober and stable, that kind of thing."
Holford said caring for Everleigh was shared, with Casey responsible in the main during the day and he through the night.
But he said it was a flexible routine and "very chilled environment", with him "stepping in" when his partner was tired.
Asked about holding such a young baby, Holford said he knew her neck needed supporting as the muscles were not developed.
His daughter, he said, was "really quite a good sleeper", usually waking twice in the night for a feed. Any screaming or crying was resolved with "a change, bottle or winding".
By the time she had been home from hospital for four weeks, Holford said he was still smoking cannabis, usually in a garden shed, on a patio area or even a flat roof outside the bedroom.
He told the court that because he was not very good at "regulating" his use of the class B drug, he would buy a large bag, divide it into smaller amounts and give it to Casey's mum to keep in a safe.
Casey also "very occasionally" took drugs, Holford added.
But he said the amount of weed he had reduced his consumption to was not sufficient and so started increasing his intake. He also indulged in other illicit substances on a couple of occasions.
Asked how his behaviour and ability to be a father were affected, he said he was "unreliable, not really trustworthy and agitated", and that it "did not sit well" with his girlfriend.
"I would be quite snappy," he added. "It's not conducive to staying calm and stable."
He also described how Casey and her "loving and hospitable" parents had "flagged up" aspects of his behaviour, such as talking to himself, that he was not aware of doing.
Holford said being told this "wasn't helpful" in terms of his paranoia.
At the time, he was only taking prescribed medication for irritable bowel syndrome but had been referred by his GP to a mental health team.
However he told the jury: "I think it's important to say that mental health is everything - some days are easier than others and, more personally, sometimes I didn't really notice it and other times I would be quite agitated or worried that that day I have got to go out and be around people.
"Paranoia would sneak in. But it depended day to day. I would say I had more days being paranoid than not."
When asked by his barrister what 'paranoia' meant to him, he compared it to having an angel and devil on your shoulders but, in his case, "no angel, constant negativity".
"It's confusing to say the least," he added.
The court also heard that having been born to a heroin addict mother and his biological father potentially being one of two men, both with drug-related issues, he was fostered at four weeks old before being adopted, together with his three older siblings, by Helen and Andrew Holford.
As they sat in court watching their son from the public gallery, he spoke of finding it difficult to focus at school and seeing educational psychologists.
Of his drug-taking, he listed cocaine, weed, acid, pills and opiates having been among those he had abused.
"There's not really much I probably wouldn't do given the chance, if I'm being honest," Holford added.
He also spoke of how, not being academically-minded enough to go to university, he found "a sense of community and belonging" with a group of people who also took drugs.
But although he revealed how his substance misuse made him "dishonest and quite volatile" and caused "chaos" when combined with his ADHD, he added: "I would do what I had to do to take drugs."
Asked about the effect of his addiction on his adoptive parents, he described it as "horrendous, like throwing a stone through a plate glass window".
"They are very straight-edged, by the book, don't do drugs. Mum doesn't drink, Dad rarely does," he explained.
"So it didn't go down well, I can tell you that. But regardless, they have been nothing but supportive of me so it's a credit to them."
Asked whether he had worked, he replied "Yes and no" before listing a number of jobs he had had including farming, catering and carpentry.
But he said he considered himself to be "a Jack of no trades", that work was simply a way to buy drugs, and was on benefits when Everleigh was born.
The court heard that to date he has not had any illegal drugs for 14 months and also now takes medication for his ADHD - diagnosed at the end of 2021 - as well as an antipsychotic mood stabilising drug and one for blood pressure.
During the trial, jurors have watched police body-worn camera footage of him speaking to officers at the house while Everleigh was taken to hospital by ambulance accompanied by her mum.
Asked about the recordings, in which he could be seen on his phone, talking about gaming apps, as well as sending and receiving texts from Casey with updates on their newborn's condition, Holford said they made "uncomfortable and quite bleak" viewing.
He also said it was a time in his life when his adoptive parents would message him but he would not respond because "I didn't know what to say".
The court has heard about the phone contact between Holford, Casey, Kelly Stroud and a contact who supplied him with cannabis in the week leading up to the night Everleigh suffered her injuries.
In one to Mrs Stroud on April 19, 2021, he asked her for a bag of cannabis which was more dense, adding "It's 4.20 tomorrow".
Holford explained that this was not only a reference to the time of day when cannabis use is prevalent but also the date - April 20 - when large gatherings are held by weed smokers across the UK, including one in London's Hyde Park.
He added he wanted to celebrate the occasion "because I like smoking weed".
The jury has also seen another message sent to his supplier on the evening of April 20, in which Holford asked for cannabis on tick, saying he had Everleigh on his own that night and it was "going to be f***ing stressful".
Holford, from Danbury in Essex, will continue giving evidence today (Thursday).