A Star Trek fan claimed he was at home watching an episode one morning when a masked intruder burst in and struck him on the head with a metal bar.

James Day said he eventually managed to pull off the ski mask to discover it was Timothy Coy, who he knew.

But like Mr Spock, a jury decided his account was “highly illogical” and cleared Mr Coy of wounding after he claimed he was attacked first and acted in self-defence.

Mr Day said a masked man had arrived at his flat in Laburnham Court, Sandhurst Road, Tunbridge Wells, on May 16 last year.

The man took the bar from behind his back, he said, and “thumped” him with it, landing a blow above his left eye.

“I was turning and I took another blow to the back of the head,” he told Maidstone Crown Court.

“I got another strike to the head. He started hitting my leg and shoulder.

“I was slightly dizzy and shocked. I had my right hand free. I got hold of the ski mask and pulled it off. I saw his face and recognised him.

“It was Tim. I have known him on and off for 10 to 12 years. I said to him: ‘What the ---- are you doing?’

"I said ‘Whatever the problem is man, there’s some beer in the fridge, let’s sit down and have a chinwag'.”

Mr Day said Mr Coy accused him of writing in pencil on his door that he was a drug dealer and HIV-positive.

“He tried to knee me in the personals,” he continued. “Nuts or no nuts, I went: ‘Let’s party.’ It was like a Turkish wrestling match. I think I got a couple of rights in.

“I am covered in blood. It’s slippery stuff.”

"I said ‘Whatever the problem is man, there’s some beer in the fridge, let’s sit down and have a chinwag'...” - James Day

Mr Day said he picked up a cobbler’s last used for repairing shoes and Mr Coy “ran like a baby”.

He added: “I didn’t understand why he was attacking me. I said: ‘Are you having a giraffe (laugh)?’”

Questioned by Tom Dunn, defending, he denied he was drunk or under the influence of anything else in court.

He also denied that the trial had to be delayed until the afternoon because he needed time to sober up.

Mr Dunn suggested Mr Day had been drinking when he invited Mr Coy into his flat and attacked him.

“You punched him in the face in the hallway,” said the lawyer. “You picked up this cobbler’s last and threatened to cave his head in. You both exchanged blows.

“By the end of it you were both bleeding. He was able to break free and leave. The only person who was armed was you.”

Mr Day said he had not wanted to go to hospital for treatment and told a friend he would “sort it out” himself.

“I said so much for a quiet Wednesday,” he added.

Mr Coy, of Laurel Road, Tunbridge Wells, denied wounding with intent, an alternative of unlawful wounding and having an offensive weapon.

The jury acquitted him of all charges.