A Gravesham woman sofa surfed for two years after losing her house while her abuser lived there for free.

The woman - who has asked to remain anonymous - was in an abusive relationship for 14 years.

She said: "I have a masters degree. We had a home fit for Instagram, we had holidays and nice clothes. From the outside we were doing well.

"No one knew I didn’t have a door key for my own house and my clothes were picked out for me in the morning.

"No one knew that my phone was monitored via iPad, the mileage on my car was checked, cups were inspected in the cupboard and bins were checked for signs of guests.

"If I decided to give someone a lift home after work, my car would be sold the next day.

"I invited a neighbour in for a cup of tea, the next week the neighbour would be told I had mental health problems and they were brave for spending time with me alone.

"No one knew because there was no shouting or screaming coming from the house.

"I had not made a single decision for myself in over a decade.

"I was brainwashed and thought this was what marriage was."

Between 2015/16, she tried to leave five times. But she returned each time when her abuser pursued her.

However, in September 2016, two officers came to her door and began to ask about her relationship.

The officers said she was a victim of coercive control and wanted to take her to the station while they arrested her partner.

She begged them on her hands and knees not to do this, explained her partner always gets what they want.

But she was told they were able to arrest her abuser without her consent as it was a domestic abuse case.

The police assured her a statement would be written, her partner would be arrested, then she could go home. Feeling she had no choice, she followed them.

Half an hour after the station called her partner in for questioning, the abuser had taken all the money from the victim's account and reported her phone stolen.

She stayed with her sister on the understanding it was not for the long-term as she was assured she could soon return home.

She was later told her partner was bailed out to their house on the condition they kept a 200 meter distance from her.

She said: "I told the police this was crazy because I owned the home."

Later she was told bail terms could not be changed as occupation disputes are a civil matter so she would need to go through the civil court.

With no money, no way to contact anyone and no support services available over the weekend, she was left to find somewhere to stay.

She and her child slept on a relative's sofa for the weekend and on the following week visited the One Stop Shop in Gravesend.

They were supportive and reassuring and directed her to a legal advisor who could help with paperwork to get her house back in court.

However, because she was not in receipt of benefits she was not eligible for free legal support.

She was advised twice to quit her job at the NHS, apply for benefits then apply for legal aid after six to eight weeks.

She said: "We had what we stood up in and we had nowhere at all to stay for an extended period.

"I couldn’t get a crisis loan because I wasn’t receiving benefits and the council would not help me with accommodation because I owned a home."

Many other women fleeing domestic violence in Kent are turned away by their council and told to return to the property where they lived with their abuser as they are technically not homeless.

According to a Gravesham council spokesman, this situation "would make the person concerned ineligible for social housing due to their ownership or part ownership of a property.

"This does not mean that they would not be eligible for advice to resolve their housing need. Advice given would be specific to each individual’s needs.

"It will range from how to secure alternative accommodation, which is likely to be in the private rented sector, to being given advice about agencies they may choose to approach for advice about their safety."

For almost two weeks the mum-of-one called the police every day to get help collecting her belongings, unable to get another bank account without her ID.

On the 12th day she was told it was not a constructive use of police time and her items were not considered essential because she had gone without them.

She then watched as some of her and her child's belongings were sold on Facebook, which the police could do nothing about as it was a civil matter.

At the end of a month of sofa surfing, she used her pay to apply for an emergency occupation order and went to court months later.

She explained: "Because my ex was in receipt of benefits they had legal representation.

"I had to go to court by myself and go up against my abuser and a barrister alone.

"The judge stated although the house was in my name, as it was purchased during our marriage it would be classed as joint property and therefore would need to be settled in a divorce, which would take months."

All the while, her partner was living in her house running up the victim's debt. She was able to take her name off of the utility bills, but not the mortgage or council tax.

So while no one was paying the bills her credit rating dropped and was unable to privately rent.

Her home eventually went up for repossession and there was nothing she could do.

She was also given a county court judgment (CCJ) for not paying council tax.

To make matters worse, her partner was not prosecuted for the domestic abuse because the majority of the evidence was from before the coercive control laws came into force in 2015.

Following this, she went to family court to settle custody of her child. She now has to see her abuser every other week.

But she remained insistent on keeping her job at the NHS, convinced if she went on benefits she would never come off them.

After two years of living on sofas or in box rooms, a relative inherited a property from a family bereavement.

They agreed to rent the property out to her, where she now lives with her best friend who she married in the summer.

She believes the system is massively flawed, adding: "Rather than being designed to remove the abuser from your life and assisting you to rebuild, it is designed to strip you of everything.

"It assumes that all domestic abuse happens in low-income relationships and survivors don’t work, don’t have lives, don’t own anything, don’t have anything to lose.

"But the truth is it happens to all kinds of families in all kinds of circumstances they can’t have these blanket rules.

"For me it was like they asked me to exchange my dignity for freedom."

To read more about the woman in Thanet who has been moved back and forth across Kent for two years, click here

To read more about people fleeing domestic abuse being told to return home in Kent, click here

Read more: All the latest news from Gravesend