It’s amazing the stuff you find when you have a proper clear up – human faeces, car parts, even a real-life baby.

I’d been asked to spruce up the communal garden areas and parking bays of a block of flats in Maidstone and before I started the boss warned me: ‘It’s a bit of a mess, it hasn’t been done for a while’.

I hadn’t worked in this part of town for some time but I’m a man of the world so didn’t expect to be too surprised by what I might find hiding under hedges or lurking in the darker corners of the car park.

Having strimmed everything in sight and taken my new super-powered hedge cutters to the laurel, buddleia and pyracantha I began the serious business of blowing and picking up all the rubbish.

The first human package had at least been deposited within a group of bushes so I left that delight to later and began removing as many discarded alcohol containers as possible. Half-empty bottles of whisky were no great surprise, nor were many of the cans – Budweiser, Guinness and, for the softies, numerous Cokes, but Debowe, Karpackie and Warka were new to me. I tell you what, these Poles don’t mess about when it comes to the strength of their lager!

Millions of fag butts, almost as many vaping contraptions and large quantities of chicken bones in polystyrene packaging were equally foreseeable. But the number of body parts littered around were unexpected and by the end, I reckon I’d gathered enough to build a whole new car. I’d even found several pots of brake and clutch fluid, so I’d got that too.

“It was certainly an eye opener having a clear-up in this part of town...”

Death is very much a part of life, so discovering a number of carcasses probably wasn’t out of the ordinary, though trying to identify some of them was more challenging. Most rodents were straightforward but I reckon Darwin would have struggled with one or two of the other animals and birds.

On the illicit substances list I ticked off nitrous oxide canisters aplenty, a couple of very small syringes, a fair bit of pill packaging and what looked like a broken bong – mind you, I need to return to clear out the underground car park, so this list may yet extend.

Other items I should perhaps have expected, but still took me aback slightly: sanitary products of all shapes and sizes; lots of clothing, though mainly socks (sadly no pairs); bed frames; parking fines; gas canisters; traffic cones; makeup items; spray paints; sofas.

This area clearly witnesses the full circle of life because as well as the packaging for a large number of family planning items, I also picked up large amounts of the family planning items.

And the baby I mentioned at the start, was at least in a pram when I found it and mum did reappear before too long – though it was left for at least five minutes.

I won’t reveal the exact location but it was certainly an eye opener having a clear-up in this part of town.

And do you know what? Strangely I found it absolutely fascinating and even quite enjoyed it.