When many people think about domestic violence, images of black eyes on a bruised and
battered woman spring to mind.

You might also think of a certain “type” of woman who becomes the victim of domestic abuse – perhaps someone who suffers from low self-esteem or had a difficult upbringing.

Emma Smith (not her real name) did not and does not fit the bill.

Nine years ago, she was a high-flyer, working for a London bank and earning a salary to go with it. That was until she met John, who was charming. Just a couple of months later, he had moved into her home and her life was completely transformed.

Speaking of these early days, she said: “I had my own place. He didn’t like the fact it was my own house and that I had lived there with someone else. So, in order to stay in the relationship with him, he made me move out of the area.

“I was made redundant and he said, ‘don’t worry – I’ll look after you’. He hated me working and he was always questioning me about men I worked with.”

This was when the abuse really started, when she was, as she puts it, “completely isolated”, with no friends or support.

The physical abuse was nothing compared to the emotional abuse, although she did withstand a number violent attacks.

“If he was physical, at least I knew it wouldn’t go on forever – it would be over soon. It was the sleep deprivation, where he would talk at me for eight hours at a time. That was far worse than anything physical.”

In the eight years they were together, she gave birth to two children, he notched up at least one conviction for assault, and the police were called to their home more than two dozen times.

Every time John (not his real name) was released on police bail following another arrest, he would promptly ignore any warning not to contact her and would be on the phone or on her doorstep, tears in his eyes and remorse in every word.

That is why Emma stayed with him, he was a master manipulator.

She came into contact with the Swale Action To End Domestic Violence (Sateda) in December 2013 and started its freedom programme in February last year.

Now, she volunteers as an adviser for Sateda, helping hundreds of women get out of a
similar vicious cycle of abuse.

Emma is helping to change the lives of women, just as the
charity changed hers.

As she simply puts it: “I laugh now, I’m happy.”

For more information about Sateda, call 01795 417251