As 'Sadie' sat poised with a cup of tea in her hand, she donned a cheery smile, and you would never know she'd suffered 10 years of domestic abuse at the hands of her former partner.

But that's exactly what Sadie, (not her real name), has been through, but now she's an Independent Domestic Abuse Advisor (IDVA) based in Tunbridge Wells, and is helping others who have been through similar situations.

As an IDVA for charity, Look Ahead, she deals with the issues which affect more than two million people a year in England and Wales and 40,000 female survivors of domestic abuse in Kent in 2019/20 according to a 2021 study.

Domestic violence includes physical or sexual abuse, violent or threatening behaviour, controlling behaviour, economic or financial abuse and psychological or emotional abuse.

Sadie's day-to-day work includes sign-posting men and women in abusive partnerships, providing risk assessments and connecting with other agencies to ensure people are getting the best support possible.

Recently, Look Ahead began a support bubble called Serenity Cafe, in Tunbridge Wells to allow activities, educational tools and a network for women to reconnect with themselves after abusive relationships.

Sadly, Sadie's passion for her work stems from a traumatic place, a story which goes through moments of pain, addiction, triumph and boldness.

The 36-year-old, mother of two remembers the 'toxic', alcohol driven, upbringing which saw her mother abused by a partner.

She said: "My mum was with an abusive partner, who was using alcohol, that went on from the age of six, seven through to about 12,13, he was physically abusive and verbally abusive.

"I didn't feel safe and secure, you look at your parent as a protector, but because of how she was being impacted by the abuse, she wasn't able to give us children the support and safety we needed.

"It made it quite difficult, in my early teens, there was a bit of resentment, because I didn't understand what's happening, it impacted our relationship, and it still does to this day."

Sadie explained how the instability in her home life, opened up the avenue for her abuser to come into her life.

Sadie recollected how she met her abuser at the age of 15 at a party.

She added: "I saw him as it is, a knight in shining armour, you know, it was a way out of that household.

"It was a way of breaking that, that tie with my mum and removing myself from a toxic household, little did I know, I was moving from one situation to another.

"He would shower me with gifts and money, we'd go out, I had everything I wanted.

"He would get up in the morning and put £100 on the side and tell me to do what I want that day."

By then, Sadie had left home and began living with her abuser, as he did not want her staying in the company of her friends at her family home.

She explained that's when his behaviour began to change.

She said: "I think the red flags started to pop up around 10 months in, because then we had a couple of friends in that circle that were involved in sport and they were doing public shows and I was going to those events which I had never done before.

"I noticed it because he'd literally hold my hand and I couldn't leave his side, he literally gripped my hand for the whole four or five hours we were out unless he went to the toilet.

"But then when he would go, he would tell people to 'keep an eye on her'.

"It's only then I noticed that and when we were having a girls' night, I was never allowed to go."

"After a year, we had been out at a venue and one of my uncle's friends approached me and was like, 'Hi, how are you? How's your family?

Sadie described how her partner accused her of sleeping with the man and stripped her of her clothing in the street.

When she protested to the humiliating experience her partner hit her for the first time.

She said: "That's when I got the first punch in the face."

"I was stuck, I couldn't go home to no food in the fridge as money was being spent on alcohol."

Sadie says she endured cycles of his abuse.

She said: "Sometimes he'd be apologetic, other times, he would just walk out the house for hours on end and just come back whenever he felt like it.

"And then when he came back, it was the silent treatment, he would kind of just get into bed and just lay there for ages making me feel like really anxious.

"And then all of a sudden, he said, 'what you're not going to give me a cuddle?'"

From the ages of 17 to 19 she had a drug addiction which immediately stopped when she found out she was going to have a child.

But even when told by doctors she was pregnant, the abuse did not stop.

She said: "I was seven months pregnant with my son and laying on the floor being kicked, all I cared about was protecting my stomach and keeping my unborn child safe, his parents (the abuser) actually walked in the room, saw it happening and walk back out.

"I couldn't sleep on my back for weeks because of the bruising."

Sadie decided to leave him at the age of 25 after her abuser had gone to prison for a separate offence.

During this time she would go to playgroups and local churches where she saw how other mothers interacted with their children, how they looked and how she felt in comparison.

However, it was only after a police officer gave her numbers for Bromley council which then passed her on to a safe refuge did she finally escape.

Sadie credits three people with helping her through those lonely times, two women from the refuge centre and a man from the authority who helped support and advice her along her journey.

In 2014 Sadie managed to gain a lifetime restraining order against her former partner, a move which fully allowed her to move on from her past.

However, she stressed the importance she can see in her role now.

She added: "If anyone is going to get you through or support you while living in it or support you to get out or support you to rebuild your life, IDVA's are exactly what you need.

"Were non-judgmental, we understand it, we are not here to tell you what to do, we're here to support and guide you."