One will shout "shaaaa-ting" while the other has capitalised on the vampire craze sweeping the nation's literary interest.
Bluewater could not welcome two more startlingly different authors over the next week, as it is visited by horror writer Darren Shan and Celebrity Juice host Keith Lemon.
Irish author Darren is releasing the third in his four-book series The Saga of Larten Crepsley, a prequel to his young-adult vampire fiction series the Saga of Darren Shan.
In Palace Of The Damned, outcast vampire Larten Crepsley finds out what it means to love. Lost in an arctic wasteland, trying to protect a baby whose love he feels he could never deserve, he faces the darkest hours of his life.
Also the man behind the Demonata series and standalone novel The Thin Executioner, Shan-mania has seen author Darren, 39, sell more than three million copies of his books in the UK and nearly 15 million worldwide.
When he is not touring to promote his new books, Darren lives in rural seclusion in County Limerick in Ireland. He is an avid collector of art, as well as a lover of movies, books and Tottenham Hotspur. He comes to Bluewater on Saturday, October 1, from 11am.
Then on Friday, October 7, TV funnyman Keith Lemon will sign copies of his guide to how to handle the ladies. The irrepressible comic - formerly known as Avid Merrion from Bo' Selecta! - has long sung the praises of his skills with the fairer sex on ITV shows like Sing If You Can and Celebrity Juice.
Keith, real name Leigh Francis, explains: "I'm a good looking guy and quite a hit with the ladies...some proper bang tidy lasses too. I've been honing my game for a few years now and now, I reveal all. In my book, I reveal the 69 rules of being a succ-sex. Clever, right?"
He will be in store from 5pm. Keith Lemon: The Rules is published by Orion Books and costs £12.99.
Palace of the Damned - The Saga of Larten Crepsley 3 is published in hardback by Harper Collins and also costs £12.99. Call 01322 624831.