Nicholas Haynes's moment as a British spy was less 007 - and more Oh Oh... NO!
The 27-year-old former Medway Council worker claimed he was James Bond when he was given a "spy" watch by his grandfather.
Drunken Mr Haynes boasted of his fantasy world of spies to a group of young lads on Faversham railway station - and sparked a police hunt for a gunman.
But he told Canterbury Crown Court he wasn't The Man with the Golden Gun - just the Man with the SPUD Gun.
And a jury acquitted him of possessing an imitation firearm with intent to cause fear of violence under the 1968 Firearms Act.
Mr Haynes, of Napleton Road, Faversham, used his gun to fire pieces of raw potatoes.
Despite being found not guilty, he was given a dressing down from Judge James O'Mahony.
He told him: "This was stupid behaviour. There could have been a major incident – if there had been armed police around and you might have been shot.
"You realise I hope that your behaviour was absolutely barmy and the consequences could have been very, very serious."
He replied: "I know. I was a t*at."
Mr Haynes's On Her Majesty's Secret Service escapade put him at risk of landing a maximum 10-year sentence inside one of Her Majesty's prisons if convicted.
Earlier, he had told the jury of his licence to kill - pigeons - with his red gun, which fired pieces of raw potato.
"I was on a train travelling towards Rochester and I got speaking to four youths on the train.
"We spoke about my watch which videos and records. They asked if I was James Bond and I said I was and then showed them my spud gun, which I had bought at East Street for £7. I bought it to fire at pigeons on my balcony.
"I no longer have the spud gun - my dad threw it away!"
Nicolas Haynes didn't quite pull off a performance like Roger Moore in the 1974 film The Man with the Golden Gun
After the hearing, the wannabe spy – who looked relieved at being found not guilty - said: "In truth I know that I was an effing tw*t.
"But my days of espionage are gone - there will be no more James Bond for me... well, unless I get his money and his car.
"But definitely no more spy watches, no more guns and the only potatoes I am touching will be fried."
Earlier, youngster Joe Ainsley told how he was with footballing friends Jacob Bindon, David Walsh and Ayorinde Omoyayi at Faversham railway station in November last year.
"no more spy watches, no more guns and the only potatoes i am touching will be fried…” – red-faced nicholas haynes
He said that on the train Mr Haynes showed them the "spy" watch and a gun, claiming he "had a job involving the police".
The suave wannabe spy then breezed up to a female traveller on the train and told her that she had a beautiful smile.
Joe added: "We thought he was a bit of a weirdo who was drunk. He said he could do anything and get away with it the next day and said he could get us jobs.
"I said I had a job at Next and he said I could get him a discount, just to humour him. At that point he said: 'You had f***ing better give me a discount... or I will shoot you in the legs.'
"I had been joking with him so I was laughing, but inside I was petrified. I then got off at Rainham where my mum was picking me up."
Mr Haynes, who denied the offence, said he had not intended the spud gun to cause any fear and was just joking with the youngsters.