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Eat My Words: We review the Cow Shed Bar & Grill on The Square, Birchington

Branding is an often overlooked secret ingredient for a restaurant – an essential part of the recipe to stand out from the herd in a highly competitive marketplace.

And there are few better exponents of just that than the Cow Shed Bar & Grill, a restaurant situated just off The Square in Birchington, in which we find ourselves on a midweek evening.

Well thought through interior keeps the branding flowing throughout
Well thought through interior keeps the branding flowing throughout

The cow logo plastered everywhere is instantly recognisable (think a more sophisticated, less stoned one than those which used to appear on Inspiral Carpets T-shirts, for those who remember them back in the day) and its interior continues the theme.

There’s wood panelling all over the place, the food comes served on wooden slabs and even the mayonnaise comes in a little milk bottle. You half expect tubes to be attached to your breasts upon entry and a bag of grass brought to your table for pre-meal nibbles.

In short, it's distinctive. Further, when the weather improves, there’s an ‘Udder Bar’ round the back which takes you off the main road and into a garden area ideal for a bit of al fresco cocktail sipping. A neat package.

This is also a restaurant which works hard for your custom. There are numerous regular events, bottomless brunches, game nights and even an evening (Thursdays, since you ask) where Thanet locals get a 10% discount off main dishes. Plus it always seems to be doing a brisk trade which, in this economic climate, is no mean feat.

The question is does branding and solid marketing a decent meal make?

Our reviewer isn't sure what he's doing with his hand here - but he's enjoying those chips
Our reviewer isn't sure what he's doing with his hand here - but he's enjoying those chips

Now, and I fully appreciate many of you will at this point leg it directly to the comments section to complain about it, but both myself and my dining partner are good-for-nothing vegetarians. So why, you may ask, have we descended on a palace branded to celebrate the culling of cattle for our culinary delights?

Well, in this day and age, it would be remiss of them, I would argue, to ignore those who prefer not to meddle with meat. Plus, why not?

And the good news is that – while options are somewhat limited – what they do serve up is surprisingly good given their primary flesh focus.

We kick off with its roasted garlic and rosemary camembert to share – steep at £12 (especially as it's obviously one of those distinctive Le Rustique cheeses which cost about £2.50 in the supermarkets).

But it’s baked well and the dipping bread which comes with it is tasty. A good solid start.

The cheese starter was delicious
The cheese starter was delicious

For mains, I’ve opted for the Holy No Cow! burger – described as its “house recipe beetroot and chickpea burger with tangy burger sauce and garnish served in a branded brioche bun”. It comes with a choice of sides (I opt for chunky chips) and is £15.

It’s not bad – but I’d argue a little more garnish is required to counter what is, otherwise, a tad bland burger. Which is a shame, because the chips are spot on – crispy on the outside, fluffy inside. Special mention to the bun which is branded, cattle-stylee, with that logo of theirs.

The branding even stretches to the burger buns
The branding even stretches to the burger buns

However, the real star of this visit is the buffalo cauli stack – a veggie version of its southern chicken stack. The pulled pork is replaced by jackfruit in a barbecue sauce and buffalo fried cauliflower keeps a chicken clucking for a bit longer.

The cauliflower is encased in a delicate light batter and is full of flavour, helped by a little kick from chillis and spring onion sprinkled on top of a triple-cheese sauce. The jackfruit is a tad drowned in the powerful BBQ sauce – but, frankly the sauce is great so I’m not complaining as we share our dishes.

The skinny fries, which come with it (£14.50 all in) are equally as good as their chunky equivalents and the dish comfortably trumps the burger.

The buffalo cauli stack was a treat to behold (and eat)
The buffalo cauli stack was a treat to behold (and eat)

Both are generous portions which leave no room, sadly, for dessert.

Complaints? They’re all rather minor. Firstly, trying to get thick mayonnaise out of a milk bottle the size of those they used to give out at school, is no easy task...no amount of amusing-looking shaking will get it to budge so a fresh knife was our friend to poke the stuff out. Secondly, the wooden slabs the food comes out on look good – but personally I’d prefer a plate – call me old-fashioned if you will; I fear in this one instance it’s bit too much style over substance. But then it’s part of the package, so let’s not whinge about it.

Plus a large 660ml bottle of Bierra Moretti at £8.50 is a tad steep for something which is £6 cheaper in the shops. I know mark-ups are required, but still, it does sting a tad. But when was beer or wine ever competitively priced when eating out, eh?

The mayo in a bottle idea was nice - but a pain to actually get any out
The mayo in a bottle idea was nice - but a pain to actually get any out

The Cow Shed has been in Birchington for a few years now – and changed ownership during the process – but the current team have taken on a strong brand and improved upon it. It also brings a much-needed youthful energy to the village, so is to be applauded for that. It’s also just opened another outlet in Ospringe, near Faversham.

Don’t let its minor flaws take away from what is a fun place, with friendly, efficient service. It’s well worth a visit.

Call me tight - but one big bottle of Moretti, shared, saw us through the meal
Call me tight - but one big bottle of Moretti, shared, saw us through the meal

Out of five:

Food: Should we expect decent veggie stuff from a burger place? Well yes, and while the plant-based burger was a bit flat, the buffalo cauliflower was top-notch ***

Drink: There is a huge array of options – beers, wines and a whole host of cocktails. The Moretti was as you’d expect albeit a bit pricey ****

Decor: They’ve done a great branding job, the lighting makes it cosy upon an evening and you really buy into the concept *****

Staff: Nice friendly staff who made you feel welcome and ensured food was served swiftly. No complaints *****

Price: Two generous courses, washed down with a shared beer for £50? Decent value ****

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