“Can you please review the Cherry Tree, it’s unbelievable” – When a punter requests a pub visit you know it’s a Marmite moment, they either hate it or love it.

Often they make their feelings about a place crystal clear, but sometimes you have to read between the lines to discover their motivation.

But, as I made clear in this week’s Secret Drinker newsletter, my reviews simply report what I find on any given day and nothing else is taken into account.

Sitting right on the edge of Tonbridge Road, on the edge of where Maidstone joins Barming, the windows and doors at the Cherry Tree Inn were wide open with several folks already inside enjoying a pint and a few others in the smoking area.

The barman was efficient and welcoming and I was soon sitting alongside the locals enjoying a Timothy Taylor Boltmaker.

It’s got a slightly floral, crisp taste and, although the head isn’t as creamy as its stablemate, Landlord, it’s a decent pint. And, I was asked if I’d prefer a jug or a straight, a nice touch.

One local was on the Fosters but the barman reckons it’s only the weirdos who choose to quaff the Amber Nectar and they ought to know better – he’s probably right.

A couple of younger lads looked well established on the pool table at the back of the pub but judging by the number of boards, not to mention the trophies, darts is really the game of choice in here. There are three dartboards in total.

Then, talking of weirdos, we were joined by a real contender as a fellow, who’d previously been barred, popped in and asked if he could have a word with the landlord Mick about overturning his ban. The barman politely declined explaining Mick was currently resting upstairs and wouldn’t be down until 3.30.

The banished guy seemed to accept this and left but returned within five minutes to ask if the barman could possibly set him up a tab? On this occasion the response he received was a tad more forthright!

Sitting quietly enjoying my beer and leaning back I burned my arm on the radiator, which was scorching hot – at least I now knew why all the windows and doors were open. Apparently the landlord’s boiler is ‘Up (or, more accurately, down) The Swannee’ and if he wants a shower the heating has to be flat out for at least an hour.

Just another little quirk at the Cherry Tree which everyone seems happy to accept.

There was music playing at a decent level and most of the tunes were fine, although special mention must go to the barman’s efforts to join in with Tina Turner’s Simply The Best.

I stopped counting TV screens when I reached six, but none were on and I assume they are only fired up when there’s some sport worth watching.

Be warned, there are strict rules about putting your registration number into the system if you use the car park but, to be fair, there are plenty of notices up and I also heard several locals reminding people too. Taking of notices, the one on the door outside qualified for three exclamation marks – ‘Toilets strictly for customers only!!!’

And, whilst we’re on the subject, they were spotlessly clean and fresh and, I presume due to Mick’s dodgy boiler, as hot as hell itself.

Back in my seat, we had been joined by that most elusive of things in the Cherry Tree, a woman, who also took a seat at the bar and gave as good as she got from the regulars all around. Although she drew the line at joining in with all the footie talk at the bar and given Dave, dressed head-to-toe in black, supports Millwall and landlord Mick had already checked what time the Hammers were playing, who can blame her?

Perhaps the landlord, his barman, or one of the regulars, will guess who made the anonymous request for SD to visit the Cherry Tree and why he was so keen for me to pop in.

Anyway, from what I saw, I’d have to say this seemed a decent down-to-earth boozer for salt of the earth locals who, in the words of Lee at the bar, understand: “This is barmy Barming and we know it takes all sorts to make a world”.

The barman has the regular’s drinks poured and waiting for them by the time they reach the bar and generally I got the feeling this is a well-run pub.

THE CHERRY TREE INN, 437 TONBRIDGE ROAD, MAIDSTONE ME16 8NJ

Decor: From the outside the pub looks well cared for and is decorated in appropriate colours. Inside, it was exactly what I expected, a no-nonsense traditional boozer which is kept clean and tidy. ***

Drink: My beer was well-kept and well poured. This is a place which sells a higher percentage of lager than anything else but there’s a reasonable choice of drinks on offer. ***

Price: The Boltmaker from Timothy Taylor was £4.30 and I noticed lager was about the same price as two pints cost £8.80, although one of those was a Fosters. After visiting a few pubs where every pint has been a fiver or more, this was far more sensible pricing. ****

Staff: Absolutely on top of his game, our barman was cheery, sensibly firm when he needed to be and equally pleasant to locals and visitors. I warmed to him immediately. *****

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