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If blokes are already hugging each other at the bar by 6.30pm then you can bet it’s been a fairly heavy afternoon.
Add to this at least four hen parties with inflatable toys, colourful sashes and assorted headwear, and you know the next couple of hours are likely to be lively.
A short stumble away from Maidstone’s East station is Wetherspoon’s second offering in the town, the Society Rooms in Brenchley House.
Glass fronted and announcing itself in blue neon letters there is even an outside area at this modern Spoons, though it is netted off, according to one bouncer, “to protect punters from stuff being lobbed from above”.
A pint costs £1.71 and there were nine staff behind the bar when I got in so even with the hens lolling about it still wasn’t long before I got served.
I ignored the cheapest offering, the aforementioned Ruddles, and a Ruby Porter for £2.46, but settled on a pint of Harvard American Pale Ale from the Southwark Brewery for the same price – so you get two decent pints here for a fiver and still get change.
It was a powerful beer, with a strong aftertaste and, whilst I wouldn’t say it’s a session beer, I greatly enjoyed two.
No wonder this is considered a ‘loading zone’, particularly on a Saturday evening, before folks head off elsewhere in town to pay much more for their drinks.
A bouncer with a vape on the go told me that most hen parties come in before leaving for a bottomless brunch at nearby Mu Mu and then head back again afterwards. The first visit is straightforward but the return visit can, in his words, ‘get messy’.
This early on the pub was already busy with a good mix of ages in, mainly sitting at tables, but no-one was bothering with food. Most of the merrier inhabitants headed towards the outdoor netted area where, despite all the advisory signs showing designated areas, smoking seemed to take place all over the place.
There is no pool table or dartboard but, as you’d expect, there are plenty of monster, modern fruit machines to choose from. There were also several screens, all set to silent, all showing terrestrial TV, all being completely ignored.
Many of the staff were miked up and speaking into their collars like budget bodyguards but the system was mainly used for sharing jokes with each other or checking the bouncers were happy.
There’s no time for niceties on a Saturday evening here and the staff just get on with the job as best they can, although one worker collecting glasses did stop to help an old boy who tripped up the stairs.
What is it with Wetherspoon pubs needing so many steps to get to the toilets? Whether it’s up or down, there’s always a mountain to climb and, by the end of the night, it becomes an obstacle course challenge for the pub’s most ‘indulgent’ punters.
Though I have to say, at this early stage of the evening, the gents were fresh, clean, well presented and at the bottom of stacks of stairs.
Back at ground level the hens were clucking off and at exactly the same moment a team of firemen arrived at the pub door – just for a second I wondered if they’d ordered a stripper.
I popped out to take a closer look and, presumably because I was standing near the doorman and wearing a black T shirt, two young lads offered to show me their IDs.
Plenty of folks were using the Wetherspoon app to get drinks delivered to their tables but the group of hard-core regulars dominating a central table (which every Spoons has) favoured the old-fashioned pay-at-the-bar method.
You’ve got to assume this is an okay pub, after all four hen dos can’t all be wrong can they? But it is at the very bland end of the JDW spectrum and is the company’s second best pub in town, even the carpet is decidedly low key for a Spoons.
Whether you’re a fan of Wetherspoon pubs or not, you have to admit they plug a gap in the market and fulfil a function – a classic example of ‘doing exactly what it says on the tin’.
The Society Rooms is a cheap and cheerful ‘loading zone’ which offers great value for money and, at the same time, makes sure it is fully prepared to cater for its customers and react to any issues which arise.
THE SOCIETY ROOMS, BRENCHLEY HOUSE, WEEK STREET, MAIDSTONE ME14 1RF
Decor: I’ve visited some impressive looking Wetherspoon pubs, but this isn’t one of them. It’s about as bland and functional as it’s possible to be, even the carpet is low key by Spoons’ standards. **
Drink: Like all Wetherspoon pubs, the Society Rooms has a wide range of drinks available and caters to the vast majority of tastes. My pale ale was a powerful beer with an equally sizable aftertaste. ****
Price: The cheapest pint I saw was Ruddles for £1.71, many others were £2.46 and a Thatchers cider £3.49. Lager is a little dearer and a San Miguel will cost you £3.71. I don’t think there’s anywhere cheaper. *****
Staff: There was a small army behind the bar, nine at least, with others on glass collection and other duties. They were efficient and emotionless, just as all Wetherspoon staff seem to be. **
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